Have you seen my angels?

Have you seen my angels? I had them only briefly and then they were gone. I miss them so much and wish I could tell them so. If you see them, please tell them I love them and miss them. Their Papa loves them too and wanted so badly to meet them. I wish I could hold them and kiss them. I know they're safe wherever they may be, but I wish they could come visit us for a while. Even just a short while would be ok. Just long enough for me to hug them and kiss them. So I can look at their faces and burn their images into my memory forever. I'm sure they're the most beautiful angels that ever existed. They probably have their Papa's hair, as well as his lips and nose. Maybe they have my eyes and smile. Oh how fun it would be to have a day with our angels. The memories we would make would surpass any of the best memories I have. Everyone would flock to join our special day. Their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins would be so happy to see them. If you see my angels, can you please tell them I've looked everywhere for them? Tell them that I did everything to find them and bring them home? Tell them I love them more than anything in the world? Let them know that we will be rejoined one day? Please, please tell them for me?

Nobody Gets It

I hate when the tears come.  When I think about talking to people IRL about what we've been through I tear up.  My friends and family want to be here for me, but I have NO interest in talking to them about it.  They don't get it, they don't understand.  So yes, if I need to talk they'll listen.  But all that's going to do is make me cry and crying doesn't help...it makes me feel worse, much worse.  And then they look at me like I'm broken and that makes it even worse.  They're not better than me because they have children or had complication free pregnancies.  Their lives aren't better than mine.  They're not more important than me because they have, or will have, offspring.  I very much dislike pity.  I don't need you to pity me.  You can be sensitive to what I've been through, but don't give me your pity...and don't give me that stupid f'n look like I'm the saddest person on earth.